The Return of the Snake

Back from his warm stone in the sun, our forked tongue correspondent looks at nicknames of the Vendee Globe skippers

French solo sailing teams have an established tradition of awarding nicknames to their eminent yachtsmen. Yves Parlier's 'otherworldly' approach to sailing, fondness for grazing on seaweed and attraction to innovative designs - a man regularly able to pull off successful fliers in the Figaro class, he was the first IMOCA sailor to embrace deck spreaders and this enthusiasm continues with a groundbreaking catamaran - merited the sobriquet 'L'Extraterreste'. From the same generation as Parlier, the clinical and devastatingly successful single-handing methods combined with his desire to impart this knowledge earned Michael Desjoyeaux the title of "Le Professeur."

More recently, this Vendée Globe race has seen the evolution of two new nicknames: Current leader with an overall 34 days at the front, Jean Le Cam on Bonduelle, has been re-christened 'King John' ('Le Roi Jean') by a sycophantic French press. The Breton skipper has traded first place with Vincent Riou on PRB five times since the start of the Vendée on 7 November while Riou has led the race for a total of 22 days. During this hectic tournament for first place, some fairly unsettling, deep sea flirting between the front pair has seen PRB's skipper re-invented as 'Vincent The Terrible'. All very cute, comic and cuddly, but what about the rest of the Vendée fleet?



Certainly, Roland Joudain's longstanding, embedded nickname, 'Bilou' is unequivocal and Sill et Veolia's retirement to Hobart, Tasmania, with keel problems is a significant blow to the character content of the leading pack, but where are the other chuckle-worthy nicknames?

In 15th place, Raphaël "Raphu" Dinelli was last night 5,316 miles behind the leader and partially amputating his ring finger in the forehatch of Akena Verandas may provoke a 'Dinelli Les Quatre Doigts' ('Four Fingers') witticism, while Marc 'Captain Mark' Thiercelin retired from the race on New Year's Eve in the Bay of Akaroa near Christchurch, New Zealand having nursed Pro-Form through the Indian Ocean with a broken bowsprit, mangled pulpit and a mast that was "moving around like spaghetti" after damage sustained in a broach just above the Roaring 40s. Although the label 'Captain Mark' may seem a touch juvenile, this stems from a board game character invented by Thiercelin to help fund an earlier project. It soon becomes evident, however, that to earn an approved nickname it is necessary to spend prolonged periods at the front of a racing fleet...and hold a French ID card.

After the 2000-2001 Vendée Globe, second placed Ellen MacArthur was disappointingly dubbed 'La Petite Anglaise' before she arrived at the finish line off Les Sables d'Olonne on the west coast of France. Frankly, this is a pretty soppy title for a young woman who stood Open 60 solo sailing on its head, although this uncharacteristic lack of imagination was possibly an indication of shock and denial within the French sailing establishment. Similarly, in the current Vendée Globe, Mike Golding on Ecover is now stalking the leaders in the South Atlantic having rounded Cape Horn in third place earlier today. For many years Golding has languished with the tedious title 'l'ancien sapeur pompier' ('the ex-fireman') after a brief spell in the emergency services, suggesting that Britiain's most enduring solo sailor fell into yacht racing by mistake.

Conversely, Jean-Pierre Dick skippering the only Farr designed Open 60 in the fleet - currently in sixth position suffering recurring gooseneck failure, a holed foredeck after losing his pulpit in the Atlantic and having sustained dramatic steering gear problems with an engine that cannot charge batteries - is never referred to as 'l'ancien vétérinaire', although Virbec-Paprec is being helmed by a fully trained veterinary surgeon.

Golding can no longer be ignored and it is with great relief The Snake can reveal that an appropriate pseudonym is already germinating in France. The credit for this novelty lies with Thomas Coville - ORMA trimaran ace and Golden Boy of the Vendée's overall race sponsor Sodebo. Coville is already providing lipsmacking material during his frequent appearance on the daily 'Radio Vendée' show. He has already admitted on air; "We don't like them [English solo sailors] because they live on the other side [of The Channel, presumably], but we respect them" and refers to Golding as 'Le British' or 'Le Churchill'. Expanding on this theme, Coville explained; "I call Golding 'Churchill' because he smokes a lot" and referring to Golding's outstanding 7th place in the 2000-2001 edition of the race after an early dismasting forced a personal re-start, adds: "you really have to be a 'Churchill' to do what he did in the last Vendée."

Thomas 'The 6th in The Last Vendée' Coville felt Golding's breath on the back of his neck during the latter stages of the race and recently advised VMI's skipper Sébastien 'Jojo' Josse - who has been constantly harassed by Golding and was finally overtaken by Ecover shortly before Christmas - "il faut pousser 'Le Churchill' a craquer" ("you must push 'The Churchill' until he cracks"). Fine advice from a warm studio in Montparnasse, Paris.



British holder of the monohull solo world speed record, Alex Thomson, also received some Coville throat clearing. Before the gooseneck on Hugo Boss relocated through the black-hulled yacht's deck after twelve days of racing during a Force 9/10, Roaring 40s horror show, Thomson was prime candidate for a monicker: Consistently in the front six from the Bay of Biscay to the coast of Brazil, the charismatic skipper became known as the 'attaquant' ('always on the offensive'). Clearly dissatisfied with this, Thomas The Opinionated delivered a veiled compliment: "Alex…c'est un jeune chien fou" ("Alex…is a mad young dog"). Mad or sane, Thomson has rattled the Open 60 circuit with his very un-Anglo, '**** or bust' approach to the sport and a formal nickname will soon bloom.

The third British skipper in the 2004-05 Vendée has yet to command a racing nametag. Conrad Humphreys is busy picking-off the fleet's back markers in the Southern Ocean after a three-day, offshore, rudder replacement in False Bay at the Cape of Good Hope. With a monumental game of catch-up ahead of him, Humphreys has already overhauled four boats since 28 December and is about to pounce on his fifth, while screeching through the ice zone sailing blind in fog at 20 knots, candidly admitting: "The week after Christmas will always be the finest and most difficult of my [sailing] career".

Will Humphreys merit an alias? Although he is far from the front of the fleet, Hellomoto's skipper is displaying traits that have considerable Franco-appeal. A thoughtful and often poetic skipper, Humphreys wisely applied the indispensable ABC Rule (Anything But Chardonnay) to his Equator crossing, celebrating with a miniature bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and later bathing his starboard tiller in champagne after rejoining the race post-Cape of Good Hope was a memorable 'Moët Moment'. Humphreys is also fond of dressing up, delivering and recording fine theatrics. Although his outfits are rarely "très chic," the Plymouth-based yachtsman's Neptune costume and 'crossing-the-line' performance was worthy of a 'Palme d'Or,' Cannes Film Festival acting award while his 'Father Christmas' would probably reduce highly strung two-year-olds to hysterical tears.



From a French perspective, Cowes-based, skipper, Nick Moloney, is the race enigma, wrapped in a conundrum and lightly sprinkled with paradox. His Open 60, Skandia (ex- Kingfisher), is MacArthur's deadly weapon from the last Vendée - a fact that strikes fear and/or respect into French hearts. Furthermore, Moloney is Australian, lives in England AND has a disturbingly attractive French girlfriend. Skandia's skipper has shown consummate boat management throughout the race in a frustrating, light, shifty and sail flogging Doldrums passage and a 60 knot+ gale in the Indian Ocean that saw the wind instruments torn from the submerged masthead during a broach. With a truly Gallic emotional repertoire, Moloney is firmly in the cross hairs of a flattering nickname and in 7th place, Moloney 'L'Existentaliste' is confidently leading the second wave of yachts through the Pacific Ocean's high latitudes.

The bulk of the Vendée fleet have yet to pass through Drake Passage - the relatively narrow and shallow strip of water between Cape Horn and Graham Land, Antarctica, where the Chile Trench rises vertically from the depths of the Pacific placing the sailors 'between Scylla and Charybdis' in the most classic sense: Or as the French would have it; 'a precipice in front and a wolf behind'. As the skippers extricate themselves from the jaws of the Southern Ocean and climb up the face of the planet, will the playful banter between the front of the fleet resume or will an intensification of tactics and close racing in the Atlantic blunt any drollery? With just under 60 days of solo sailing completed, any genuine attempt at high-seas humour would be remarkable.