For the parents

A push too far

We all know the popularly held image of the Optimist parent, towering over a crying child on the slipway, shouting, "I told you to go left up the beat!"

Of course the vast majority of Opi parents are not like that, but the few that are give the rest a bad name. We all want our child to do well, and get excited when they succeed and downhearted when something goes wrong. The average parent at a regatta is:

1 Ambitious for their child's success.
2 Has invested heavily in gear, clothing, petrol and accommodation, and has spent many weekends doing nothing except follow the Optimist circuit.
3 Can think of a list of things he or she could be doing elsewhere.
4 Is cold, is unable to see what's happening afloat, and is cheered then depressed by garbled progress reports from those parents with high powered telescopes.
5 In general feels their child could and should do better.

Obligation and failure

None of the above points will help the child be a better sailor, but they can give the child feelings of obligation and failure, adding to the stress of competitive dinghy racing. The young sailor in question may be ambitious and talented, or of average ability and motivation. He or she may sail for a number of reasons that have not occurred to the parents:

1 Independence afloat.
2 Because friends sail.
3 Good fun messing about in boats.
4 Been pushed into it by parents, but would much rather "Listen to music, get into my computer, go riding, play mini Rugby".

The reasons why

As parents we must look at why we take our children sailing. Is it frustrated ambition on our part, or because we feel we have something worthwhile to pass on to the child? We can seek to inspire our children with our enthusiasm and delight in sailing, but have to allow them to find it for themselves. They are at an impressionable age and will certainly do what we want them to do, but the time will come when they will lose interest in the sport if they are not finding their own reasons to continue with it. We must be sensitive to our children's attitude to competition, and to their aims in sailing and their everyday lives. Very few people are able to win national and international championships or the Olympics. We must support the children at the standard they wish to compete at, rather than constantly implying that they should be doing better

Parental support

Physical - Home, security, accommodation.
Emotional - Understanding, insight, comforting, supportive, loving father/mother figures, dependable, predictable, consistent, realistic, inspirational.
Financial - Funding for boats, equipment, clothing, travel, accommodation.
Logistical - Transport to home club for training, open meetings, national and international events, arranging accommodation, feeding afloat and ashore.
Bosun - Checking, repair, maintenance, launching and landing assistance.
Facilitator - All the time.

A bad result

Don't start listing what went wrong as soon as they come ashore. Let them do the talking if they want to; if they don't, try to avoid discussion of events until emotions have cooled. Try and work out your child's recovery time. After a bad race competitors of all ages need a time to recover emotionally, before being able to think clearly and analytically.

Give some thought to your reaction to seeing them sail the worst race of their life. How long do you need to recover before you can:

1 Be civil to anybody?
2 Bring yourself to look at the child?
3 Speak to the child?
4 Control your body language (hunched shoulders, glowering face, irritable movements)?
5 Discuss the race objectively, without your disappointment being transferred to the child?

Republished with permission from Fernhurst Books, click here to order the book from the madforsailing on-line shop - there's plenty more good advice!